Letting Go

I'm not the first person to write on this topic.  Possibly not the first person to write about this topic today!  So I have resisted putting these words on the page, but after today's events, I felt I needed to voice my thoughts.

I am not a helicopter mom.  I don't hover over my adult sons' lives needing to know every little thing they are doing.  I don't need to talk to them every day, wait up at night for them to get home, or wipe their noses (though I will call each of them a snot nosed kid on occasion).

But if you ask them, you'd probably hear that I haven't let go.  I still give unsolicited advice about everything from girls and careers to hair cuts and clothes.  I still want to feed them, hug them and hang out with them.  I still embarrass them whenever possible.

Today I faced some inevitable truths about my youngest son.  As he headed off for his last semester of college it hit me that the chain of events before him went like this:  graduation, internship in another state, job in another state.  Marriage.  Taking his wife with him to another state and having babies in another state.  So unless I move to the same state as him, his walking out the door today represented the beginning of my life consisting of seeing him in only small stints a few times a year, if I'm lucky.  No!  Don't leave!

My oldest son still lives with us, but our struggle is more a Tug O War of wills.  He asks for my advice then doesn't like it when I give it to him.  He has started to "parent" me, giving me advice.  We have turned into roommates in many ways.  If he's having friends over, he can clean up, I ain't doing it!  But then I have to make myself scarce in my own home when they arrive.  When I have friends over, I play the "Mom" card and he still has to clean up.  So in many ways I hang on with both arms, but in other ways I want to let go.

The way us moms deal with letting go are as unique as our personalities.  I just pray that I learn the gentle balance of letting go to provide freedom and autonomy for my sons, and holding on just enough so that they know I will always be there for them.  If distance provides that balance, I will welcome it.  If shutting my mouth provides that balance, I'll try to shut it, but knowing me, it won't be easy.

Letting go is tough but necessary if you truly love your children.  The best thing that can happen to any person is the freedom to succeed or fail on their own terms.  I will always be available, but not always holding their hands.  I will always be a listening ear, but will dish out advise only when asked for.  I will always love.