Premium

This is it!  The mother of all DirecTV subscribers' weekends.  Every premium movie channel is free!  One has to prepare for this.  Pre-purchase of large quantities of microwave popcorn, soda and Milk Duds is a necessity.  Make sure all of your comfy sweats, fuzzy socks and throw blankets are clean and ready to be cuddled in and under.  Pre-delete as much as possible on your DVR to allow for the 236 movies you will attempt to tape in the next 2 days.

Then there's the warm up exercises.  Thumb agility training cannot be understated.  Bowl balancing is a lost art that needs to be revived for such occasions as this.  Then there's leg lifts.  Lift your legs to go on potty breaks, lift your legs to run to the fridg, and, most importantly, lift your legs onto the couch to watch TV while laying down.

But what defines "premium?"  Apparently, it means movies that were really panned in theaters, popular in theaters or just perverted.  It also means TV shows that couldn't come up with intelligent enough scripts and talented enough actors to be good without swearing and taking their clothes off.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I love a good movie or TV show for grownups, but I think the premium really just means "no commercials."  So, thankfully, DirecTV has a pause button so I can run to the bathroom without missing the entire plot of anything.

So strap on the popcorn, get those thumbs moving and sit tight.  It's about to get crazy at the Harling household!